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Let Me Sell You A Tory: A Fairytale...?

April 27, 2015 4:00 PM
By A Pretty Grimm Tale

Once, in the Principality, there was a "sort of" Baron. To be honest, the "sort of" Baron was only sort of in the Principality as he lived on an island far, far away much of the time. But he owned the castle, and lots of other lands in the Principality so we'll call him a sort of Baron. Minor Baron. Little Baron, if you will.

Little Baron had vexed the people of the Principality mightily over the years. At one time, he had tried to change the law to have himself proclaimed Prince, but the people overthrew him and drove him back to his island, leaving him sulking and making only occasional visits to the Principality, meeting with the only people who would still meet with him, the Blue Tribe. Truth be told, the Blue Tribe didn't like Little Baron very much, but the Blue Tribe were suckers for a castle owner, and he did own a castle.

Some years after being driven out of the Principality, one of the many properties Little Baron owned right in the middle on the Principality was looking very sad. It had a big high fence around it to keep the people out, but the fence was getting old, and rickety, and looked sad and rotten.

The Village Elders discussed it and complained and worried and begged Little Baron to paint the fence to make the village look look nice again. Little Baron refused. Even the Blue Tribe begged him to paint the fence, but he would not: he just went back to the island far, far away.

In the end, the Village Elders and the Blue Tribe decided something had to be done. The Principality was part of the Land of Shep, and although they tried not to talk with the King of the Land of Shep very much, when things got really bad, they knew what needed to be done. So they begged the King of Shep's Advisors, and the King of Shep's Advisors thought and thought and thought. But despite their thinking, over months and months and months, they could come up with no way to get Little Baron to paint the fence and make the Principality look nice again.

So the King of Shep's Advisors decided to help. They got a team of workers to go to the Principality to paint the fence. The Advisors even had to find Land of Shep paint for the workers to use, as Little Baron even refused to pay for the paint to paint his own fence. Little Baron was pleased because he had paid nothing, but got his fence painted free, without even paying for the paint.

After a while, except by a few, all was forgotten. The fence looked nice. The Little Baron was mainly back in his island far, far away. The Principality went on with its work.

Then the election came. And Little Baron put two huge Tory posters on the fence the Land of Shep had made the workers paint for him, using paint he had refused to buy.

There is a point to this story. You can decide what it is.

Conservative Posters